Friday, 25 October 2013

Fuzzy's Big Adventure Disaster

In a big city, there lived a lovely family. They had two children. One was called Elizabeth and the other called Larry. Larry was 13 and Elizabeth was 11. They had a kitten called Daisy. The two children loved the kitten so much. The kitten was a little black and white kitten and had the sweetest face you could imagine.  
One day, the children were playing in their garden and had left the door open by mistake. Daisy  ran outside and climbed the tree, not realizing that the tree was quite tall. The two children caught a glimpse of Daisy’s tail so they ran to the tree hoping it was their imagination but, when they looked up, they saw their little black and white kitten up in the branches of the tree, frightened to death. The children were very worried because their parents might take Daisy away from them. They each tried to climb the tree. Larry almost got her but he slipped. 
Daisy tried climbing down but, when she looked down the tree, she didn’t dare to climb down. 
The two children thought and thought of a way to get Daisy down. Daisy went to sleep on a big strong branch while  the two children thought of a good idea. They went to get a ladder and lent the ladder against the tree. Elizabeth climbed up the ladder and picked up the kitten, took her inside and closed the door carefully  so the kitten wouldn’t get stuck in the tree again. 
After that day, they never left the door open again, so they lived happily ever after.
Well done, Emily. You have chosen some well-thought-out words for your story - a little black and white kitten with the sweetest face you could imagine, a glimpse of Daisy's tail, frightened to death, didn't dare and the big, strong branch. You could add some more eg their ______ garden, ran outside and climbed the ____ tree, They went to get the _____ ladder. Could you use a simile in your story?

3 comments:

  1. Hi Emily

    I really like this story. I like the way you told me who, what, where and when. I also like the way there was a problem in the story and you clearly showed how the 2 children tried to find a solution.

    You have used a range of words to keep the reader entertained; imagination, lent, dare, glimpse and realising. These all help to create a clear picture for the reader also.

    I was wondering, how could you change the ending still giving the same detail?

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  2. Thank you for reading my story. I am glad you liked it. =3

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