On Thursday night, the whole school came to school for Tau Ke night.
First, we did our Haere Mai song. When we first went up on stage, I was as nervous as a fly trapped in a spider's web but, when we started singing, I was lost in the music. I enjoyed that song and it was fun singing in front of all of the people but the next thing I am going to tell you about is my favourite thing we did.
We did E Papa Waiari. This was my favourite performance because we got to throw our sticks to each other. My partner was Madeline. She and I had been practising very hard together. On the night of the concert, we only made one mistake because I dropped one of my sticks by accident but that was the only mistake we made.Finally, the Kapa Haka group did their act. They were all in lines. The boys were at the back and the girls started in the front. I could not wait until they began because my best friend, Paige, was in it. After the girls had done three of their acts, the boys, who were in the back lines, came out to do the haka. The boys were as loud as thunder. They had no tops on but they all wore a sash and some shorts under their piupiu. The girls wore black skirts and tops with a white Maori design at the front. They also had black lipstick on. The girls were very pretty.
When the boys had done the haka, the girls came forward again and sang Ka Waiata, then they all went out and it was the end of Tau Ke Night.
I felt very happy and proud of what the class and I did that night and I was happy that Madeline and I made only one mistake in our E Papa Waiari.
You can see our performances at this link.
Hi Emily
ReplyDeleteI like your recount. You have tried to tell me who, what, where and when in the first paragraph. Remember to be specific, who is we?
I like the way you have been specific in your second paragraph, you have told me an order, the song and how you felt with a simile to add extra imagery for the reader.
I like how you have started with another time word and a new one. Look at your 4th sentence, how could you change that? I like the way you gave a little summary about your performance.
You are adding more detail in the final paragraph. I like how you have used a variety of short and long sentences. You gave the reader an image of what was happening so as they read they feel like they are there with you.
What would you do differently next year? How did the audience respond to the performances? This could be added to your final paragraph.